I was uncertain to begin the elaborate process it takes to review a movie. Excuse me, a film. Movies are those dreadful things that are found on the television networks that one does not have to pay a monthly fee for. The project in question is not a film review, a kind of summary if you will (dreadful things, summaries; they remind one of paraphrasing; I shudder to even type the word), but a review of the film which I have seen approximately ten minutes of. This excludes movies such as Terminator 2: Judgment Day, for I believe I have seen the movie in its complete form, simply not as a contiguous piece of work. Also not eligible are movies that I've only seen the previews for. However, let us begin the task with my eloquent, simple review of Hidalgo, starring Viggo Mortenson and some kind of horse.
Hidalgo: A Ten Minute Film Review
One must immediately presume that Hidalgo is the name of Viggo Mortenson's character, and also that he is in some kind of hurry. At one point a giant cloud of grasshoppers descended upon him and his horse, who is unnamed (somewhat odd, for Hidalgo seems to be a horseman of quite some repute) and is brown with white spots. Or is it the other way around? But I digress. The grasshoppers, I believe, serve as a metaphor for a kind of cloud that Hidalgo must overcome, and indeed he does overcome this cloud of unease, if we will, by eating one of the grasshoppers. Not quite sure what grasshoppers were doing in the desert, or why they all died suddenly. Hidalgo seemed to delight in this and tasted one of the grasshoppers, as if making sure it were as delicious as he had surmised, being of course some kind of survival expert, at the very least having some experience with the foreign legion, he knew that to eat a grasshopper is incredibly poisonous, and wisely only ate one, having of course a tremendously poweful digestive system (that being his main super-power). As we know by this point, Hidalgo is from a european nation and speaks no English whatsoever. I commend the film-makers for choosing not to subtitle this production; in fact, I believe it lends a certain air of credulity to the character of Hidalgo. In addition to this, I applaud their decision to cast Viggo Mortenson as Hidalgo, because as a native speaker of many european languages, it is clear, even to the untrained ear, that he delivers his (many) foreign-language lines with a clarity and lack of accent most American actors would have quite a time with. It was unclear as to the language he spoke, certainly it must be a kind of Germanic language, perhaps even the language of the dreaded Huns. This is probably an accurate reading of the scene, as the movie is set in approximately the 1500s, evidenced by the fact that Europe was a large desert in this time period: indeed, the film only confirms my knowledge of historical euorpean biomes. However, I must take fault with the inclusion of rifles in the film: surely the film-makers would have been made aware by a fact-checking type of person that rifles were not used until, at the very earliest, the 1800s.
There were also seveal Americans in the film: one of them a rather talented black man who refused to shoot Hidalgo at several points. However, he was not reticent at all to harm his horse, who, I believe, was of the Arabian variety. The horse became injured, and Hidalgo attempted to console him in is native european tongue, but alas, it seemed the horse could not understand him, as he was used to speakers or Arabic. It is unknown why Hidalgo and his horse were on such bad terms: he refused to put the horse down after it was clear it was critically injured, perhaps out of spite: I cannot say. What is clear is that the horse was unfavorable toward Hidalgo from this point on, even going so far as refusing to carry him, and laying down in the hot european sand. Perhaps this is why at the end of the film Hidalgo sets his horse free, back in his native Arabian pastures to run free with all the other horses. I should think it a more fitting ending to release him in America: perhaps then the horse's release could have served as a symbol of letting our inner desires break free from the opression which the mind naturally gives them. As it stands, though, the film version is decidedly meaningless and unmoving. Also a major gaffe here by the director: Arabian pastures, while prevalent in the 1400s, were less so in the 1500s. It was more a deciduous forest at that period in history.
Overall: 6.71/10
High Point: Viggo Mortenson's expert language skills as Hidalgo.
Low Point: Not naming the horse? Seems lazy.
Directing: Mild, slightly tart at best.
Script: Great, from what I could discern.
Style: Loved the lack of subtitles, perhaps make a subtitled version available for non-purists.
