On Daytime TV and Other Such Bullshit

Every time I turn on the TV in the daytime, there's nothing but a bunch of shit on. Does anybody like soap operas? Raise your hand if you like soap operas. That's what I thought. Put your hand down now, Jirsa. That's a little more about you than we wanted to know. Nothing good at all is on until 3:00 when Yu-Gi-Oh! comes on. Hey screw you, I like Yu-Gi-Oh! Sure, the plot is always ridiculous and the acting is over-the-top and silly but the monsters are really cool. And I don't care if the target market is like 6 years younger than me. Honestly, the network executives are the biggest bunch of slackers on earth. "Oh, let's just run a bunch of soap operas for the stay-at-home moms who have nothing better to do." What exactly is the lure of these shows anyway? They all have like 128 characters and it keeps cutting back and forth. Plus, everyone is named like Sali, Jeni, Heidi, Kimi, Tucker, Dalton, Dodd, and Percy -- the gayest names there are. I've seen maybe a grand total of 5 minutes of soap operans, and I can sum up the plot of every damn episode; Sali is worried that Tucker is sleeping with her mom, but really she's sleeping with his dad so she's just as guilty -- meanwhile she's having Dodd's baby but Tucker thinks it's his, and then someone gets killed. Somone gets killed an awful lot, so I guess it makes sense to have 128 characters. If the writers ever get stuck they could just kill someone off. What they really need is a voting type thing, where viewers get to decide which character bites it next.

Also, reality TV sucks. All of it. The only reason networks keep playing it is because they don't have to pay any actors, and apparently people are stupid enough to watch it. Who cares if they win 50,000 bucks? Why do you like watching people eat kangaroo testicles, horse rectums, cow stomachs, and live insects? By the way, how is that scary? That's just disgusting and pointless -- it shouldn't be on fear factor.

Do what I do, reader. Give a big middle finger to the networks and either watch something decent, like the history or discovery channel, or comedy central or cartoon network, or turn the damn box off and pick up a book. If you've never read for pleasure than I suggest you start. You know how everyone is always saying "the book was better" when they watch movies like Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, etc? That's because it is. And you're missing out.

Who is the Best Movie Villain Ever?

So me and a friend had a talk about which movie villain is the best and we couldn't really decide anything. For me, it's a tie between Darth Vader and Hannibal Lecter. But there's so many other good ones that need mentioning that it's hard to decide. Of course, one cannot overlook Norman Bates, Jaws, Mr. Potter (from "It's a Wonderful Life"), The Alien, HAL 9000, Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, The T-1000, etc. But Hannibal Lecter is just so damn creepy that I have to pick him as either number 1 or 2. I mean he eats people. "A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti." How can you not love this villain? On the other hand, James Earl Jones' voice is just infinitely cool and Darth Vader is just such a badass. I mean he chokes people from across the room, commands the Death Star which blows up entire planets, throws things without touching them, and has a sweet lightsaber. Obviously Darth Vader would win in a fight, but Hannibal is still probably the creepiest film character.

I think you know what's coming. Who's your pick for Best All-Time Movie Villain? If this was a fancier website I'd have like a voting thing but I'd probably leave off somebody's favorite anyways so screw that. I have to clean the keyboard now -- my hands are all bloody from being poked by the razor-sharp fake needles on the christmas tree. It's gotten so bad that I can't read the letters on the keyboard anymore and I keep having to fix it.

Supersized America?

After watching the film "Supersize Me," I have a question. Whose fault is it that you're fat? It's your fault, isn't it? I mean, you made the decision to eat at McDonald's and other fast food places and not exercise, didn't you? Oh, the fast food company came to your door and shoveled it down your throat, did they? Well, maybe it'd be a different story if they did. Mr. Spurlock -- the director and "star" doesn't claim to support those suing McDonald's, which makes sense. Not suing McDonald's. Suing McDonald's isn't going to accomlish anything, but it will make a lot of money for lawyers. There are definitely some valid parts to people's arguments -- McDonald's markets excessively to children, perhaps, and it's a well-known fact that the PlayPlace is a tool of Satan. Sure, it looks fun, but after 20 minutes of sliding around on greasy plastic that a thousand other asses have slid on, it gets old. At first, I agreed with the judge who threw the case out; your nutrition is your responsibility, not some faceless corporation's. They're just in it to make money, and selling you meals with a lot of fat, sugar, and salt in them just happens to be a good way of doing business. On the other side, of course, is the cost to ME. Why the hell should I have to pay for John Q. Fatass, who's eaten so much McDonald's that he can't walk anymore and can't go to work? Ohhhh, let's give the fatass a welfare check -- that will make all the problems go away. No it won't; all it'll do is make me have to pay more taxes to support welfare. I'd like to keep just a little of my money -- thanks, Uncle Sam. All I'm saying is that, while your nutrition is your responsibility, as soon as it starts to affect my wallet, I get angry. Let's get with the program, people. Maybe if you're eating at McDonald's every day you should seriously consider not being a dumbass. Get your fat, disgusting, jelly-shaped body to the gym, or, if you're too embarassed, get yourself a goddamn Bowflex.

Whew, sorry for the rant. No, scratch that. I'm not sorry at all. I just dislike living here and putting up with shit like stupid and fat people. I'm leaving America.

Alright, bottom line: whose fault is it? Is it McDonald's fault, should we sue them so the people that are put on welfare because of them don't cost me an arm and a leg? Is it the obese people's fault, for being so ridiculously stupid to eat so much and not exercise? Or is it somehow, miraculously, all my fault? Lemme know.