What's in a (nick)name?

For some reason, the topic of nicknames has come up in my thoughtstream. Currently, my nickname (to my fellow bandmates at least) is "Schmittyyy!" -- and, you have to say it like you're fucking wasted. Sorta like a "Norm!" thing, a la Cheers. How did this come to pass, you ask? Well there's another Adam in the band -- he is the designated Adam, and, as such, I am not allowed to presume (foolishly) that I would be called Adam as well. It's gotten so that when someone in the band says "Adam!" I don't even look anymore. Other, more embarrasing nicknames in my past have included "Tubbo" -- a reference to a very bulky coat I wore one year that made it seem as though I was perpetually on my way to a sumo wrestlers' conference. I forget the others. I've probably blocked them out in a suppressed memory thingie or whatnot.

In local news, I get to go to Florida! Visiting relatives has never sounded better -- plus, it's just me going, so I won't have to deal with all the parental issues that can plague vacations. You know what I'm talking about, reader. Don't even act like you haven't wanted to kill your parents for taking their 359th picture of you and your sister on the beach. We've all been there (unless you don't have a sister, of course). I'm planning on staying with my cousins for a few days, and my grandparents for a few days. Hopefully I'll get to go golfing -- in December, biatch (take that, Dave), and other various exciting activities.

All of which, loyal reader, brings us to your mission for today. Your job is to reveal, by commenting, your embarrassing (or cool) nickname that you have or used to have. Was it pooky? Was it Silly Putty? How should I know? You'll note that you have the option of posting anonymously -- some of you may wish to take advantage of this.

Final Random Quote: "You've often expressed your views on pig farming to me."

Brian Setzer, Be At Peace

No, he isn't dead. I just had a startling revelation about him today is all. That revelation is as follows: If there is a heaven, Brian Setzer will go there regardless of any sins he has committed. He just rocks too hard not to go there. I mean, even God's gotta be, "Well, he did kill those hookers -- but I love "Rock This Town" so much that I gotta let him in." If you've never heard of Brian Setzer, you need to seriously injure self right now. Don't damage your ears though, because you're going to need them. I recommend "The Dirty Boogie" as one of his best albums, but I might pick up "Boogie Woogie Christmas" too. I can't even describe him accurately. He is what happens when you put equal parts Elvis Presley, George Thorogood, Louis Prima, and Frank Sinatra in a blender and then add a shot of whiskey. Also he can play guitar like nobody's business. That's right, it isn't your business. Stop making it yours, ass.

I got my Tarot cards read the other day at a professor's party. If you had asked me on Tuesday what I thought of Tarot cards, I would have told you, "I think they're a large crock of shit." Today my reaction is substantially different, "It could still be a crock of shit but I don't think so anymore." I also watched a guy in my suite (who we will refer to as Chilly since that is his name) get his read. His cards wouldn't have made any sense for me, and my cards wouldnt' have made any sense for him. His was all about relationships and struggling with those -- perfectly fitting since that is the exact thing he's going through right now. In fact, he's breaking up with his girlfriend as we speak. OK, so it's just me speaking. Is it because of the Tarot cards? Who knows? Is he a fucking idiot for breaking up with his girlfriend (who is a true blue nymphomaniac) ? Probably not, since he doesn't love her -- it's a one-sided relationship and some of you may know what it's like to be involved in those. It isn't fun, to say the least. Anyway, I wish Chilly luck, and hopefully his girlfriend Kim won't dismember him in his sleep after he breaks up with her. Or maybe that'd be for the best -- who's to say? Not me.

When I'm stable long enough, I start to look around for love.

Does love have any meaning in society anymore? Is it all just a bunch of shit invented by corporations to sell romantic things? Or is it just a chemical reaction in the brain designed to make us want to reproduce?
Those of you who know me might not think of me as the romantic type, but dammit, I still believe in love. I don't give a damn if it is just a chemical reaction in my brain, I still think it's real. To answer your unasked question, no, I don't believe in love at first sight. If you fall in love with someone based just on a look they give you from across the party/bar/apartment then no offense, but you're probably a reall shallow person. If you look to the right, you'll notice that my profile says I hate shallow people, which is true. No, I think it's a little more than the style of hair she/he wore for the night, or how they look in their new shiny clothes. Fuck all of that, it doesn't tell you anything about them. I can hear people now, "Well it tells you that they care about their appearance and they're trying to impress you." Oh really? It takes a lot more than a new dress to impress me, Bubba. Okay, I don't know why Bubba has a new dress on either. Doesn't anyone believe in love being more than skin deep anymore? And when will all the rhetorical questions end? I've also got people left and right asking if the "scenario" described in the last post happened. Yeah, it did. I still don't know how to feel entirely, but let's just say someone may get asked to a movie or something tomorrow at jazz table when the whole bands eats together. And someone = Selena. But only if I get the balls to do it. Hopefully I will, I just ordered a big pair from ebay but they've been slow shipping things lately.

Although the cynic in me is extremely tempted to declare, "It's all just a bunch of romantic shit that doesn't exist," I think I'll wait till I find "the one" to make that declaration. I've seen too many people in love to believe that anyways, and there's only so much cynicism (read: realism) that I can handle. Seriously, if people were completely honest all the time, society would not function.

Alright, I've shut up the cynic for a while, time to bring out the decorator in me. After Nader, Josh, John and I all spent a total of like 50 bucks at Wal-Mart decorating the suite, I'd have to say -- If I was gay, I'd totally become an interior decorator. It really is a lot of fun. Is that still a requisite, by the way, being gay? I think it is. Anyway, our suite now has pretty blue christmas lights (don't get all PC on me, they ARE christmas lights), a new lamp, a comfy blanket and two throw pillows for the couch. In addition to this, we have about 80 Penny-Arcade comics on the ceiling. If you've never been there, you must go. http://www.penny-arcade.com is an excellent site. So now our suite is stylish, hilarious, and comfy. We need more christmas lights though, I don't think 4 strings of 200 each is enough.

When Is It A Bad Time To Say I Love You?

Nearly everyone likes to hear the phrase "I love you," but when is it inappropriate or unappreciated? Here are some possible scenarios: You've just finished a jazz band concert and you tell a female member of the jazz band named Selena (who you secretly have a middle-school type crush on) "I love you," in passing. That's probably a bad thing. How will she take it, you wonder as you walk by her. She looks at you, puzzled, for a minute then says your name and waves to you. Did she think you were serious? Did she hope you were serious? Did she dismiss it as an after-concert thing to say? Did YOU dismiss it as an after-conert "good job" type of thing to say? Did she secretly hope that you didn't mean it in passing, and really liked or loved her? Who fucking cares, anyway?
Another possible situation where "I love you" doesn't work: Getting a colonoscopy by a very large, burly male doctor. It'd probably freak him out major league.
Also, a fishing trip with some of the guys is definitely the wrong place to throw in an "I love you." However, the distinction must be made between "I love you," and "I love you guys." They are totally different, even though separated by only one word.

A recent poll of people I care about was done concerning accents, and the conclusion was made that a guy with an accent looks like an asshole who is trying to "pick up chicks," if you will allow use of the vernacular, while a female of the species with an accent (especially Russian, it seems) is not only acceptable, but highly attractive. Why do guys find an accent sexy? Is it the unknown that we find interesting, or the actual manner of speech itself? Or are chicks with accents simply hot, as more than one friend has pointed out?

Your mission tonight, loyal reader, is to describe a possible scenario where "I love you" would be wholly inappropriate, or talk about why accents are/are not sexy.

This is the most fun I've ever had

...being in a musical group, that is. The Knox College Jazz Ensemble (KJE to those in it) will be performing Friday night at 8 pm in Kresge Hall. If you live in the Galesburg area (or are related to me) I expect you to come. Failure to do so will result in immediate termination of our friendship, and all benefits concurrent with...just kidding. I am serious, though, about what a great group of people the KJE is. You know how normally in a group of people, there's that one guy, the asshole of the bunch, who nobody likes, but you have to put up with him anyways? If the KJE ever had a guy like that, they must've taken him out back and beat it outta him, cuz we're missing that guy. We are minus one member, the asshole. Selena is definitely my favorite member, though. She's so silly...she looks almost like a cat sometimes in her playfulness. The director is also the best director I've had so far -- she is willing to engage with the band and she's also willing to take charge when the time comes. I have been given the official title of "Taskmaster," for my insistence on getting back on track. I shall wear my title proudly, displaying it for all the world to see. Hey, bub, you got a problem? I'm the fucking taskmaster, bitch. You'd better get your shit together so this band can get its rehearsal on, or else I'm gonna mess you up somethin' fierce. Word.

Other people have titles such as "well rested," "loudest," etc. But is anyone as important as the Taskmaster, the essence of focus and purpose? That's what I thought. That's right. I'm a self-important prick. Deal with it.

On a totally different note, one of my friends and I just had a two-hour conversation on IM about God and religion and stuff. She was praying for my soul and praying for my salvation, etc. I was honestly very touched by it, but towards the end I was more insulted. She kept telling me that I WOULD submit to God...I had to keep telling her no and eventually blocked her. Your mission, loyal readers, is to tell me how I can make this person accept me for who I am, and stop trying to convert me to Christianity. I seriously am out of ideas...she wont' leave me alone. Please comment on this or something...I really odn't know what to tell her.

A Tribute to Materialism

Here's everything that I want for Christmas.
1: A TiVo -- possibly the finest invention ever created, it records shows for you automatically, lets you skip commercials, and pause live TV. It does, stupidly enough, cost 13 bucks a month or a one-time 300 dollar fee. Ouch.
2: A graphics card -- a suitably advanced one, capable of playing half-life 2.
3: Obviously, Half-Life 2 itself. Nothing further need be said.
4: Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.
5: Lord of the Rings: The Third Age -- RPG + LOTR = awesome.
6: Shadow Hearts: Covenant -- turn-based goodness plus a judgment ring, whatever that turns out to be.
7: A subscription to PC gamer magazine -- don't ask why I haven't signed up for this already because I don't know. This allows me to covet things more easily.
8: A Gameboy Advance SP and Metroid: Zero Mission.
9: 3 books: Chainfire, and The Dark Tower volumes 6 and 7.

All this adds up to a ridiculous 620 bucks. Your mission, loyal reader(s), is to help me decide which of these fine 9 items I want the most. But in the end, will any of these things make me happy? Aren't material things just distractions from what is really important in life? Whoa! What am I saying?? Of COURSE these things would make me happy.

Final note: My friends and I are starting a website called "Pretzels for Bush," in which we will attempt to get people to buy pretzels and donate them to George W. Bush for consumption, and hopefully choking to death on. We will also be selling "Pretzels for Bush" t-shirts, soon to be available for purchase. These will feature a pretzel and some catchy slogan, such as "Pretzels for Bush: Because he deserves a break."

It's All Over.

Well folks, the pessimist in me is really coming out now. No matter what Kerry and his crew say, they've lost Ohio, and therefore, a shot at the white house. Obviously Iowa and New Mexico are still close, but whoever wins Ohio will be put over the 270 votes needed to win. Devastatingly, the Dems have lost the Senate and the House. What does this mean for America? Frankly, it means that America loses. It was a battle between The Corporations and America, and it looks like the Corporations (embodied by Bush, of course) have secured their grasp over America for the next four years. On a positive note, maybe Bush will fuck things up so badly in these next years that people won't want to vote republican anymore. As you'll see by the name of this blog, I'm all about demented things -- in politics to a lesser extent, but that aspect of American life definitely influences you. As someone much wiser than me said, "It doesn't matter whether you're interested in politics or not. Politics is interested in you." That being said, this is the most demented this country has ever been. Here we are, electing by a majority, the first time since 1988 we've elected a President by a majority, a man who can barely form a coherent sentence. I must give credit where credit is due to Karl Rove. The man is a genius. I mean, to make someone like Bush, whose coke and alcohol-addled brain barely enables him to stand upright, into a clear winner for the White House...simply incredible. In the "maybe some good will come of all this" column, I hope the Democrats take a long, hard look at their policies. Obviously something needs to be changed in order for them to get back in the game, because right now they just lost everything. The Supreme Court: conservative. The Congress: conservative. The President: conservative. In other words, it's a heyday for republicans. Let's see what fun they'll have with four more years. If I was a praying man, I'd be praying pretty hard for America's future. However, I am not a praying man, so I'll have to be content to sit and wait four years -- I'll be 23 then and out of college, assuming I live through another Bush presidency without getting sent off to war. That draft bill is in Congress, people. Do I need to remind you that the republicans just won Congress? And this time, Canada might not be safe -- the Canadian government may very well work with Bush and the republicans to make the previous loophole of moving to Canada to get out of war a non-option. In other words, time to bone up on espanol.