Well I Don't Know Why I Came Here Tonight, I Got The Feelin' That Somethin' Ain't Right.

Here's how my day began: I was in the shower, reading the instructions on my conditioner bottle (I was curious about how long to leave it in for) and, as my brand happens to be Herbal Essences, the instructions were really weird. The bottle makes reference to exhilaration, joy, obsession, intensity, and just about every other adjective that could possibly be taken as having a sexual meaning without ever saying it. My position is: Herbal Essences should stop with the groaning women in commercials and just flat out say it: "If you use this product, it will cause you to experience an intense orgasm." We've all had enough of the cute hinting around, OK?? I, personally, have used Herbal Essences shampoo and conditioner for quite a while (I like the way it smells) and have never experienced orgasm from either of said products. Can I sue for false advertising or not, since they don't actually state that that's why everyone who uses the product is moaning in pleasure?

Just in case that isn't enough proof that we are truly living in a neurotic, hypocritical society, I refer you to http://datetosave.com, which is (I can't decide) an excellent joke or extremely frightening. The very idea, the notion of the website is nothing less than 100%, unrefined evil. The kind of evil that makes you throw up a little in your mouth. The kind of evil that confirms your darkest suspicions about humanity. The kind of evil that makes you lose faith in your fellow men and women. The kind of evil that....well I'm out of descriptions but you get it. Hyperbole aside, I was shocked and amused by the website (amused after my cynic took over) and you will be too.

Something else of note: Crossfire, on CNN, was canceled. Apparently Tucker Carlson quit, but I can't help speculating that it had something to do with Jon Stewart going on the show, and, quite literally, ripping them a new one. The pain on the hosts' faces could only be attributed to having new holes ripped in their body, physically or only psychologically. In fact, in the article, the President of CNN said he agreed with Stewart's take on the situation, which was to say that an excellent opportunity for political discourse was being shamefully wasted on high-decibel shouting matches and slogan-swapping. I must say I'm pleased overall.

Someone needs to take this laser pointer away from us. Me and my roommate and other suitemates have been using it today and yesterday, shining it out the window and at the feet of passers-by, irritating several of them in a major way. The best was a couple walking back to their dorms. They noticed it once, and stopped. Looking around in a confused manner, they pointed at the totally wrong dorm. They continued on, but I shined the snowbank ahead of them. This time the guy flipped off the whole building (still the wrong building), turned about 10 degrees, flipped off the building again, and repeated this 3 or 4 times. Needless to say, we were hysterical with mirth at these antics. It works particularly well since we have about 3 inches of snow. Anyways, if you've got a story about laser pointers or other pranks you've pulled on people, feel free to share. I'll be laughing about this for quite some time.